Another Irrelevant Blog
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We arrived in Bengaluru today, which is what Bangalore is now called. It has shops and McDonalds and electronic stores and things like that. We’re even thinking of going to a bar tonight. Below our hostel is a coffee shop called Coffee Day, which we think might be the Starbucks of India.

At Coffee Day were two religious American Christians boring the hell out of a Hindi guy who was trying to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee in peace. They were highly irritating, and even though I didn’t, I wanted to tell them that there was no way they were going to convert this guy with their talk of their long dead God Jesus, and if they wanted to know why, they should catch a bus to Tiruphati, about 4 to 6 hours away, depending on how crazy your bus driver is, and then catch another bus to Tirumala, about another 20 to 45 minutes away, depending on how crazy your bus driver is, because there in a city filled to the brim with thousands and thousands of Hindu pilgrims, one can do a darshan, or deity viewing, or to really spell it out, go and check out a real life living avatar of the God Vishnu.

Yes, a real life living human incarnation of a god.

That’s right, that’s what I said.

He wears golden armour and sits on a golden throne.

Yes, made of gold.

So here’s the story.

Several things have happened since last I blogged. In summary they are:

After leaving Mangalore we caught a 3rd class train to Kunnar, which was a mistake, because we had to stand, huddle and hug our backpacks in the cramped train by the toilets which smelt like piss for over 3 hours.

Kunnar is a hole and we went there to go watch a Theyyam, which required phoning a lot of people who didn’t speak English, who got us to phone other people who didn’t speak English, to eventually arrange a taxi at 3 am to drive for 40 minutes into nowhere to a small village where through ritual dances locals channel the divine spirits of various gods, and then the villagers come (not to watch the dance, but only after) to ask them questions and get advice from the channeled gods.

Also weird.

We caught a sleeper train to Kochi, where we went to Jew Town (a suburb there) and got generally bored, and did a cooking class in Keralan food and went to watch an intimate Sittar performance.

Then we went crusing the Keralan backwaters which are palm-lined and very pretty and ended up being on a tour with 12 Indian doctors from Pubjabi, who got angry with the guide who took us to a local village and explained the medicinal effect of certain plants.

We left to the hill village of Munnar, where Sam fell in a river and we go and watch the most boring piece of theatre I have ever seen, which was a traditional form of dancing, which involved someone doing nothing but moving their hands in intricate movements, and after an hour we snuck out.

I nearly got left behind by a bus when I rushed to go to the toilet, and Sam had to run up and down the aisle screaming to stop the bus from going.

We make an error and go to Ooty another hill town, which is a hole, and then end up in Thiruphati, after almost four days of doing 6 to 14 hours a day on a bus, which is also a hole, and we arrive at 5 am and the streets of full of rats and Sam gets scared.

The next day we go to Thirumali, which is full of thousands of pilgrims. We go to the Joint Executors Officer’s office to get permission to go to the temple of Verkanshwan. (That’s not actually the right name, I don’t have the Lonely Planet on me and so can’t remember exactly.) This is the temple where the God lives.

After hours of waiting in queues to cloak room our backpack we enter the special VIP entrance (because you can get a VIP fast ticket for 100 rupees, an express ticket for 50, or go in for free for the super long wait.)

Before you get into the temple you go through reams of security and walk through a building that reminds me of an old sort of official government or school building, except the corridors are divided into lanes with prison like bars.

The lanes slowly blend into each other, going from three, to two, to one, by the time you get into the quite beautiful temple complex, but this only happens after you get sardined into an almost infinite amount of Hindu pilgrims, many of them dressed in very traditional garb, many of them chanting weird things, and almost all of them pushing as much as they can.

After about three to four hours of this you wind through the labyrinthine temple, still trapped in a massive mob, pushing and excitedly chanting, until you enter the official viewing room. In this room (silver and red everywhere) you can see into the inner sanctum.

The inner sanctum is dramatically lit from the sides, with pillars lining the way inwards to the living God, who sits in his golden armour on his golden chair.

At this point you’re meant to make a wish in your head, which apparently he will then grant.

Amy, who we saw at Ooty, asked if we’d make a wish for her, that being she’d like to never have to get a bikini wax again.

There are official pushers, who grab people and hurl them from the viewing room, so as to keep the infinite queue moving.

And then you have to make your way through the queue for another 45 minutes or so to get out.

All in all quite a weird experience, made all the weirder by the fact that everyone there believes it.

There’s a God in there.

Me and Sam, and one guy from New York who we saw wondering about earlier in the day, were the only 3 Westerners to be seen and there were thousands upon thousands of people there.

According to the Lonely Planet (which we’ve found to be a bit rubbish at times) this place gets more pilgrims annually then Jerusalem, Rome or Mecca.

It was weird.

And if you’re Hindu probably a really good reason to tell the annoying American evangelists to piss off and to stop bothering them about their dead God, they have a live one just a bus trip away.